“The quality of a person’s life is in direct proportion to their commitment to excellence, regardless of their chosen field of endeavor”. Vince Lombardi
What is Commitment Phobia?
You know THAT GOAL you set? Yes, that one. How serious are you about it? How committed are you?
Pretty serious? Fairly committed? Really serious? Fair dinkum? Really….?
OK, no more stories – give me a number.
On a scale of 1-100, how committed are you to achieving THAT GOAL?
No reasons, no stories. Just give me the number.
Is your number 100?
Congratulations, you ARE totally committed!
Is it less than 100? If so, why bother with that goal?
Do you have what is called Commitment Phobia?
“If you deny yourself commitment, what can you do with your life?” Harvey Fierstein
If your car broke down on the side of the road and someone stopped and offered to help, but you said, “OK, but can I finish this carton of beer first?” what do you think their response would be?
Something like: “Well, if you are not serious about getting home, then I see no reason to put myself out to help you!”
It’s a bit like that with goalsetting, the Universe, and the “Laws of Attraction”…
The guy kneeled beside his bed and prayed: “Lord, please help me to win the lottery”. He prayed for hours, night after night.
After a while, God must have become frustrated with him… The loud voice boomed:
“At least you could help me to help you. How about buying a ticket?”
Are you giving yourself EVERY chance to win, to succeed at your goalsetting? Or are you asking your God, Angels, Guides or whoever you pray to, to do all the work for you? It doesn’t work that way. You have to at least have the ticket, to play the game and have a chance of winning! Spectators don’t win games, only the players in the arena get to stand on the podium!
Commitment Phobia is a funny term. It is often used to refer to guys who want to ‘play the field’ and not tie themselves down to any one lady. (Trust me guys, when you get it right, commitment to THE lady is INCREDIBLE!)
However, commitment is a vital part of life, and anything less than total commitment to the task at hand can get us into a lot of trouble!
As a child, I worked with my Dad on our farm. One day we were using a large steel rope to drag logs around. Dad’s words were profound and powerful to me as a 9 year old. I still find they apply every single day! He said:
“Get a good, strong grip on that rope, like you were going to choke it! If you don’t give it everything, it will twist out of your hands and hurt you!”
WOW! How often has THAT happened? The wire rope could have been that incredible person you met, who you let slip by because you didn’t call them back, or you didn’t think you were good enough…. It could be that job opportunity that went begging because you didn’t get your application in on time because of the weekend BBQ, or you were late to the interview. Perhaps it was the great job you lost, because you got lazy in it and someone passed you by on the corporate ladder. Ouch, every time!
How committed were you to all these things, or did you have a form of commitment phobia standing in your way. Did you get complacent? Did you let self-doubt give you #commitment phobia? If it’s important enough, what would you NOT do, to succeed at something that meant everything for you?
For those who believed in the inevitability of the ‘middle aged spread’ and other aging myths, who have let their bodies go a little, how serious are you about your health? Again, give me a number, 1-100. Anything less than 100, I have to ask, why? You only get one chance per lifetime to have a healthy body. Just ask those folks who have been stricken with some crazy and challenging illness that they struggle with daily, just to stay alive! If you asked them how committed they are, with their last remaining ounce of energy they would bop you. They don’t have commitment phobia – they cannot afford it!
Neither can you!
Commitment Phobia is a creeping disease.
You begin with a rush of enthusiasm, but it wanes after a while. Then you begin to find excuses. Then you realise that it no longer matters, or you tell yourself it doesn’t matter.
I worked with a guy called Michael who reached a whopping 350 pounds weight, 160 kilograms. He changed jobs 3 times because he couldn’t physically do the work, before he had his wake-up call. I asked him why it took severe diabetes and his doctor warning him that he was liable to drop dead at any moment, to stop and rethink his life. He said that it just crept up on him, a few pounds at a time, and he just kept buying bigger clothes, cars and getting easier jobs until one day, a bicycle shop owner next door to his workplace smiled at him when he walked in the door. He asked him why he smiled, and he was told that it was almost impossible for him to buy a bicycle to fit him, so what else was he looking for in there…..! OUCH! Off to the doctor!
He became committed. He committed to his life, to his wife and to his toddler daughter… Within 2 years, he was riding in triathlons, in what is called the “Clydesdales” class, the class dedicated to men over 200 pounds or 90 kilograms weight. He has since completed a Hawaii Iron Man and has a trophy cabinet to be proud of. And he has no commitment phobia! He cannot afford it – diabetes is there, waiting to pounce on him any time he wavers.
Do you have commitment phobia?
Think about your goals and dreams. Give yourself a number on them. If it is less than 100, ask yourself seriously, why you set THAT GOAL. If it really IS a serious goal or a critical issue for you, then there is a way to get totally committed and shake off that commitment phobia.
Find a way to be passionate about it.
Michael thought of his wife and baby girl, and got passionate about life again. What will make YOU passionate about YOUR goals? In the Life Change 90 program, you learn about finding your passion, and about redefining your goals so that you live and breathe them and you are excited to get out of bed for them each day. It takes that sort of passion to guarantee success in achieving your goals.
New Years Resolutions usually have only an 8% success rate, and average goals get as low as 3% success, with partial success around 15%.
If it’s important to you, an 8% chance of success is not good enough. It MUST be a total commitment, or nothing at all – put your time into something else….
Why passion to overcome commitment phobia?
Because if there is a solid and compelling enough reason WHY, you WILL find a HOW to achieve that goal. When failure is just not an option, then you will find a way.
Passion is a powerful driver, but it also pays to work smart, too! Banging your head against a wall, no matter how passionate you are, will still give you a headache! Having a success formula to plug into and a supportive environment to work in while going for your dreams is a huge bonus for those with passion. It gets the goal a lot faster too.
“Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans” Peter F Drucker quotes
Til next time, fair winds and full sails,